What am I trying to do here? As I discern my immediate future, this question looms large. There is a part of me that longs for clear answers. This is the me that dreads trying to explain all of this to family, friends, and especially co-workers. The world we live in demands that we make specific goals regarding career, family, finances, etc. We are expected to produce very tangible outcomes.
Life would be so much easier if I had something to sell. Who wants the truth for free when you can own the secret to the mysteries of whatever from some guy on an infomercial? I'm not trying to become some self-help guru or cult leader, nor is this about founding a new religion or spiritual movement. I'm just some guy who's been entrusted with a piece of information and an obligation to share it. So are thousands of other morons on the internet. Why am I so special?
The reality is that I'm not. This is not and never will be about me or what I want. As I wrote on the Ash Wednesday post on the "Good News" blog, "My life does not belong to me; it's just on loan from the real owner. What I do in life matters not a bit if I fail to follow God's will." I exist to share what God has revealed; they've never promised that anyone would listen, nor does that really matter. I'm not sure I'll ever understand why our Parent chose me to deliver a message, but they did and that is that.
Part of me wishes I could do this as a hobby, be a part-time prophet. I could write my blogs, then go about my day and blend in with everyone else. That, however, would just be an attempt to make this convenient for me. There may not be a concrete goal, but I know that whatever I'm doing here is just the start. As for outcomes, I haven't got a clue; fortunately, those are under someone else's control.
There is a quote from Francis of Assisi that I use on each of my websites: “Who are You, my dearest God? And what am I but Your useless servant.”
This is who I am and who I aspire to be.